my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
