do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
