thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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