I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
