We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Shame is for Republicans.
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