dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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