I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
