Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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