We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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