Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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