It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
