In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
