Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The Olympian is in my bed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
