I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
