she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize