he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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