what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
