Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
