dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This house was built for laser tag.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
