I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
