Me. At least after what I've been through.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
