Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
