is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
