Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I need a beard to bite.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
