you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I will be naked everywhere
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
