he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
