I'm eating all of the evidence.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
