that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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