my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
