11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
from now on my penis is your penis
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
