I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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