i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We need to get me chipped asap
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
