You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
