yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
