Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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