so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
