just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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