You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize