I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Bring me that man meat
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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