Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
