woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
