I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
