I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We are two peas in an std pod
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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