They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
