just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
