Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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