What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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