I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
