I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
