It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
