I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
