I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
