Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize