oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
