I think I can smell my own vagina right now
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
