I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
