Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Where is the hickey?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
