I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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