my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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