Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
