If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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