There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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