so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
