Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
