Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
