yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
