my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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