It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
why is half of my head shaved?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
